Well hey there friends. Did you all have a good New Years? I know its been a while since my last post, but I feel like the holidays were such a whirlwind, things are just starting to settle down. I have a million pictures to post, a bunch of stuff to catch up on, but I decided that first I would write about my Resloutions for this year.
Do you make New Years Resolutions? In years past, I have not. I've just always thought they were kind of silly, and no one ever follows thru on them. Blah Blah Blah
2010 was a funky year for me. I feel like it was the year of Transition. It was a rough, hard, very emotionally draining year. My kids were in transition ages, both growing but at different times and to different stages. I had to learn how to be two different mothers to two different babes at the same time. Sofia wasn't a squishy little baby that I could just bounce on my hip and make goofy noises too anymore. I had to figure out how to parent both of my kids separately, but equally. Does that make sense? I feel like as a mother of small children we try to lump them all into one category. They all have to play by the same rules, do the same things, respond the same way. Truth is, this just isn't fair or realistic. Gavin is 3 1/2 and needs to treated so. He needs to be stimulated in a more ways than just watching cartoons and playing with cars. He shouldn't always have to share his toys with his baby sister. Those are his toys. I don't want to share my favorite pair of shoes with anyone, why should he have to share his favorite car? Sofia is still a baby. She needs me in a different way. She needs to sit on my lap and read a book,, cut up her food and teach her her animal sounds. She shouldn't get in trouble for sticking DVD's in our brand new Wii. She needs a little extra love at bed time.... she's still so small. These are all things I started to lose sight of towards the end of last year. I was tired, exhausted really. I tried to treat them the same, because I though that was what would make it easy, when in turn, it completely back fired. So, my first Resolution is to be more in tune with what each of my children need individually. To not have one set of rules for everything. To not make them grow up faster than they have to, so that they are on an equal playing field. I work hard at this everyday, its a tough one, but since I've really started paying attention to this, our days are so much more pleasant and they are so much more responsive. Hallelujah!!!
Pay more attention to being a wife as well as a mother. This ones a biggie. Its no news flash that marriage is work. Not like a job, but its something that needs to be maintained in order to stay healthy and happy, and something that grows instead of remaining stagnant. Steve and I have been together for almost 11 years, married for almost 7. We have two young children, and our first priority to is to be the best parents we can be to them. The last six months were rough on us. We put SO much energy on being parents, and making sure our kids felt loved and taken care of, that we didn't give much time to do that for each other. We woke up one morning and realized we missed how our marriage was before things got so busy. We felt disconnected. We weren't fighting or mad, nothing huge happened, but we just realized we were awesome parents, but we missed each other. We missed the feeling of being the center of each others universe. We needed to figure out a way to balance parenthood and marriage, something that has been the hardest but most rewarding lesson I have learned. I know my babies know I love them. They are happy and healthy and smart. I know we have been excellent parents to them, and because of that, I know they will not suffer if Steve and I spend a little more time on "us". As a parent you feel guilty not putting your children first, but I have learned that sometimes its ok, because in order for a family to work, all relationships need to be strong. Everyone needs to feel loved and appreciated. In the beginning of a relationship you don't have to work at it feeling fun and fresh, because it just is. Ten years down the road, life happens, babies happen, bills happen. Instead of splitting yourself two ways, you are pulled in twenty different directions. And then one morning you wake up and realize you miss someone who sleeps next to you every night. Weird right? Its a strange realization to know you have been neglecting something that is right there in front of you all the time. So , we have decided that this year is dedicated to "us". Normally this time of year I am preparing to have a baby, but this year there is no bun in the oven. Our babes are at the age where they are more independent so we can focus more on our relationship. I suppose its kind of how people feel when their kids leave for college. They have to get to know each other all over again. So thats what we're doing. We're dating again .
Eliminate fat talk. This one is HUGE for me. My whole life, I have always looked in the mirror and seen a little chubster, even when I wasn't. As a woman, we always compare and criticize our bodies. We let body image define who we are. I know there are people who think, if you don't like what you see, then change it. And I agree, to an extent. I have struggled with this issue my whole life. My body has birthed two babies. My hips have widened, my belly jiggles, and my booty has a little cushin for the pushin. I have spent too many days wishing I looked different. Putting myself down for not being the mom who bounced back into her high school jeans after having babies. For devaluing myself because I don't kill myself at the gym, or count calories. For some people, that works. Some people have chosen that life style. More power to them! Some days I wish I could be more like them. But the truth is, most days I don't. I don't like to think about what I look like and how much I weigh. Honestly, I don't care. I care about feeling strong and being healthy for my kids, but it stops there. If I have a big butt for the rest of my life, big deal. There are worse things I could be than chubby. I am a good mama, a good wife, a good friend, and I will no longer let society make me feel otherwise because of my weight. I will no longer call myself fat. If my daughter grew up to look just like me, I would NEVER tell her the things I tell myself, so it stops now. I am proud of my body. It made two beautiful babes. I do not resolve to go on a diet or work out till I puke, but I will be more respectful of how I treat myself and make healthy choices. I know this is gonna be a tough one for me, but really, we all need to be ok with ourselves. All of ourselves, even the chubby parts.
Cut my self some freggin slack! I am not super woman. I can not be ten places at one time. I will mess up. My children will be naughty and I will lose my bananas. I will forget to call a friend back and flake on lunch dates because I don't want to put make up on. SO WHAT! NO one is perfect, everyone loses control, I need to get over it.
So there you have it. My list of things to work on for this year. Last year was the rear of Transition, and this year is the year of Transformation. I'm kind of excited to see what's next
So here's to a NEW YEAR!!!!! Hope all of you are enjoying your fresh start!