The Boy Turns 4

wake up Sister I'm 4!!! Sister thought it was her Birthday too. 

To My Son, 

Last Thursday  you turned four, and just like every birthday before, I couldn't believe you were another year older. I think I will feel this way every birthday for the rest of your life. I remember when I had my first thought of you. The thought that filled my body with calm and purpose. I have never wanted anything so bad in my life. I remember where I was, what I was wearing, where we were on our way to when I took the pregnancy test. I remember sitting on the floor holding your Daddy's hand, reminding myself to breath because three minutes is a long time to hold your breath. I remember being afraid to look at the result because I couldn't bare it if it was negative. 

Two perfectly pink lines stared me in the face, and our lives were changed forever. I remember sitting on your Daddy's lap on the bathroom floor crying. We both were. That is when we knew how much we were going to love you. 

I remember the first time I felt you flip in my belly. I was alone laying in bed, and it was as if you were just saying hello. I remember the first Dr appointment and all the ones to follow. I had your nursery done by the time I was 6 months pregnant, and I would sit in it and rock in the rocking chair and I would rub my enormous belly and we would have deep conversations about nothing. 

I remember the day you were born. My water broke at Fashion Island in the parking lot and I thought I'd peed  my pants. Your Daddy was so excited he was jumping out of his skin. I remember just feeling ready, 

I was ready to see you, smell you, love you, just be your mama. 

Twenty four hard hours later, there you were. This perfect little being. I will always remember the first time we met. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. It was the sweetest moment of my life. I had never loved anything so deeply in my ever. 

I remember every cry, every laugh, every bump and bruise. I remember every talk we've had, every song we've ever sung. I remember the night you went to bed a baby and woke up a boy. That was a hard night for me:) 

We have a million memories of the past four years and I remember every one of them. They are etched in my brain and when you and I are having a particularly difficult day, I search for the memory of the first time you said you loved me. That was a sweet day. 

You are the best boy anyone could have, You are wild and crazy, and smart and thoughtful. You teach me something new everyday. I can get lost looking thru your long lashes and into your deep brown eyes. When you belly laugh, I get the chills because it is the most pure sound I have ever heard. You love your Sister and say you'll always protect her from monsters. That one makes my heart full . 

You are my first babe. You made me a mama. You and I have been thru it all little man. I love you so deep down to your bones it blows my mind. 

Happy Birthday Son. 

Love, 

Mama